Time Gone

Today is the first day of my new life, and I haven’t written a word in a little over two years!  This not only surprised me, but it shocked the hell out of me. Why? I guess it’s because the time slipped on by me, and I was completely unaware of it doing so!  Preoccupied? You bet!  I think the idea of feeling hopeless, depressed, and somewhat sad had a lot to do with it.  My family, friends are few and I’m starting to feel ignored by them. There’s been a very large chasm between my children and myself for more years than I’d like to count. The beginning?, well it started with the  father of my children, having 9 cardiac arrests and then comatose for 8 yrs, and then dying, leaving us all alone!  No, I don’t think he deliberately did this, but he had a lot of forewarning…..and he chose Not to do anything about it.  So here we are, 40 years later wondering what the heck happened to our family??  The children were sad, then as they grew older, the got angry and mad!  I was and still am the focal point of this whole debacle and it looks like I’ll be this until I die. They’re both very responsible, educated and hard working individuals,  but they can’t find it in their hearts to stop the way they’ve been treating me.  Their Dad would have celebrated his 75 birthday on June 18th, and as strange as it seems, I actually remembered it and said Happy Birthday to him!   I really wish that my children would start treating me with some respect and love.  Wish they would remember that they’re Dad is gone, and I am their only living parent.  It has taken a whole lot out of me, and I just want to end the nightmare  but as an old saying goes “IF WISHES WERE HORSES, BEGGARS WOULD RIDE”

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